Happy New Year,

There has been alot going on that has kept me from posting. I know excuses but I know one could imagine life truly be lifing. It’s kinda of annoying but I tend to enjoy the lessons. Speaking on lessons, I’ve been reflecting back to 2023, though a very great year, for me it was all about lessons. It introduced me to my most care free year but quickly reminded me that care free doesn’t always means care free. It just means lessons are always learned because we deny our instincts and ignore our ques oif when to say no. Now this is not always the case, I am absolutely aware that sometimes shit really do just happen. I just refuse to ignore that majority of the time I knew something was going to fuck up a situation. After it was fucked up, I always say to myself “I knew it!”.

As humans, we have strong insticts and powerful intution that could protect us from alot of the bullshit we endure. On my walk of reflection for 2023, I reflected on the lessons that I was forced to learn. The main one being, my disobedience has consequences, and those consequences don’t even have to be a attack of hatred or extreme lost. It can been in simple forms of lost, heartbreak, and sadness. Karma is a bitch and she really will get you, when you aren’t looking and expecting nothing but goodness.

November 11th my puppy was killed after getting out from my apartment while I was away. It was very emotional for me and I blamed nobody for my lost but I do acknowledge that if I was at home I woul'dn’t have endured that. I get bored easily, and decided that I wanted to have a spontaneous weekend away from home. Though, I can’t help but to think, did my need for change mean cost me everything?

The death of my dog is traumic because I feel guilty. I Iet him down and couldn’t protect him as much as he protected me. That hurt my feelings the most, but I know that no one is to blame. I can’t even blame myself because I won’t feel sorry for wanting a break. I can’t blame my sister because he just got away from her, and I can’t blame the car because his anxious ass probably run towards it. The blame really goes towards my inability to deny my flesh and remind in one place while accomplishing my goals. Sometimes sitting still feels like being stagnant. But the actions we are taking are not always physically visible. I just want to take this time and remind my readers that it’s ok to sit still. Motion isn’t always what it’s crack up to be and returning to things that weren’t good for you the first is never a good idea. My first rule of thumb is to NEVER spin the block and going in a circle will always remind why you should’ve ever done it in the first place. You always end up exactly where you started.

A lot of lessons were learned this year and my biggest one is to always follow my first mind.

Thank you for reading. I love you.