Feel That Sh*t…
Lately, I’ve been giving myself permission to grieve the small things. It’s not the norm but I feel it’s important. We take lost everyday, yet we don’t stop and take a moment to just feel our feels. I believe our lack of coping mechanisms come from not grieving the “small” things. Where as when the “big” things happen, we only know how to outwardly express our emotions in a big way or emotion; screaming, yelling, violence etc. Though, I am extremely emotional and a sensitive being, I find myself being my strongest at times of “big” grief. I didn’t cry when my cousin got brutally murdered in the streets of Detroit, I didn’t cry when my grandma (favorite person in the world) went to be with the Lord at the high age of 97, and I didn’t cry when we found my father died on his face in a very unpleasant environment. Actually, thinking back I’ve never been so calm. God gave me this supernatural kind of patience and understanding that will forever exceed my own understanding, always. It’s like, for as long as I could remember I understood what pain was.
It was always something I looked at as common. I believed that if it didn’t feel good that was fine because everything we endured doesn’t. Right? I mean when you’re that young, do you even know what happiness is? Would you know sadness?, besides feeling some type of way and crying about it?
Now, I’m not the one to dismiss anyone’s emotions. I’m the Auntie that every time my niece twist up her little brown nose (which is all the time, her mother’s daughter 🙄) I’m asking if she would like a hug. So I would never deny that childrens emotions are invalid, the question is, to what extent? I think I’ve always question it. Even as a kid myself, I felt like people didn’t care about kids feelings.
How do I know, you ask? 😏
I was the youngest of 4, and no matter how much attention people thought I was getting as “the baby”. It wasn’t enough. So at the same time every night I would break out into tears. Full blown crocodile tears too, the ones only the baby of the family could spill out for no reason, without getting beat to an inch of her life. My family would ask me what’s wrong sweetly at first. Then, it would lead to everybody telling me to shut my crybaby ass up. My theory nobody actually really cared, they only cared enough to shut me up for the time being. Emotionally, I was a wreck and needed a long hug.
Now, OF COURSE, that’s my projection and only my side of the story but if I was really grieving, really upset, or really sad, nobody took the time to be patient and explain to me what emotions, communication, and how to be expressive. Nobody explains the small grieves even the ones that “don’t matter”.
The small things matter, they always mattered, and they always will matter. The big outcomes never come from big gestures. It is always the small, little things that you change or learn that eventually add up to something big, something greater, something you’ve created by taking one small step at a time. If I have learned nothing in my lifetime while being on my fitness journey now for 2 years. I’ve learned that the small things matter. It’s the little things that I change about my diet and routine that make a ton of difference in my weight and toning.
By focusing on the small grieves and allowing myself to really grieve about inconveniences daily, I learned that emotions come and go. From hard days at work to having inconvenient run ins with strangers, those emotions are fleeting. After awhile you learn that somethings never mattered in the first place. Now realizing this, for me, doesn’t make me stop taking the time to allow myself to be in distress about anything. I believe that allowing yourself to have a real reaction about what affects you helps you become emotionally intelligent. Doing this helps, you become aware of what bothers you and it assist with understanding your triggers so that they can be controllled by you and not others.
Also, it helps me to not have an irrational reaction. Nowadays I like to think things through. In the past, it was always react first and think and ask questions later. I got tired of reacting to something that never had anything to do with me. Today, it may take me 3 days to respond but I allowed myself to think through the process. I want to understand how it made me feel and why I would be reacting however I choose. It’s not to give validation to myself but help me really make the decision that my reaction was well thought out and processed, so if I act out it was because I really felt some type of way.
I don’t write this so that you can follow what I believe, but I do encourage that exploring the small grieves encourages growth, power, and control of yourself. Self control is extremely important especially in these times when everything is made to distract us. Take time to allow your grieves to distress you, be patient, and have grace with yourself when making decisions. The ease you will feel regarding people, issues, and situations will change drastically. But if you feel some type of way, feel that shit, deal with that shit, and stand on it.
Thank you forever and ever, I appreciate spending this time with you. I love you!
- BreShay
