Be in love with this sh*t!

I’ve been interested in this guy lately, he is many years older than me but I find him intrigued for some odd reason beyond myself. Through really trying to understand me and my feelings I have been very vulnerable lately. The other night in conversation, I opened up to him and expressed myself regarding writing.
I’ve felt over the years this odd, less creative way of writing has crept up on me and left me blank in the mind. Generally, I expressed how I believed the fear of people reading behind me has hindered my thoughts and ability to free write. I get so caught up in thinking about how people would view my mind, thoughts, and how I put them honestly out into the world. Though, it was never my battle to fight in the first place. I can only give what I have and stand on how I put myself out there.

It’s interesting that I came to this conclusion because I never really gave a fuck about what people thought about me outwardly. I would assume that this was a result of being plus size. I never cared about being heavier but I understood how it affected me and the things people would say regarding it. I never gave a fuck because I was always still me. My talent was different.
When I was younger, my writing was praised because I was able to use my imagination and no one understood how in detail such a young girl could be. I knew I was passionate and creative at a young age. It’s like every step of the way niggas would step on your shit and say a bunch of unnecessary negative things. That shit hinders your mind and your ability to be free.
Over the last couple years of the pandemic, I’ve been protecting my shit and really getting back to my basics. That’s truly not giving a fuck and genuinely doing me. It is important to me to let my passion out because honestly if I don’t my head would probably explode. I be head over heels in love with this shit. There has literally been no other way for me, it’s not fun if I can’t get my shit off with fun banter and my sarcasm.
Now, I’m intentionally navigating my way through what feels right to me. I appreciate “my guy” because he was literally just listening while I verbally figured it out. Today, these thoughts really got the best of me throughout the day because there is really a process to this shit. Not taking your time to really figure out what’s for you literally ruins your purpose and sets you years and maybe even decades behind what you are supposed to be doing.

And, I’m not sure about y’all but this way, it’s truly fuck generational curses I’m really good on that! I just get in my feels when I see and feel something for myself to only be met with the process and not the results. But that’s typical millennial shit or whatever they think about us.
Recently, I’ve been falling in love with the process though. It’s really draining but the satisfaction of saying I really worked for everything that I have, here (presents results) are results, and this is what you have to look forward to while going through your process is going to be the hightlight of my life.
I’m truly looking forward to being in love with this shit! But I’m brilliantly and safely in my own world.

Thank you for reading, I love you!