Monday Mental Dump; Vol. 1

Today,

my energy ran so low. I felt myself dying to find ways to calm my anxiety and my “not so worries” worries. Through understanding myself, I become so grateful with knowing healthy ways to soothe myself into feeling better. No more abusing myself and forcing the belief of “I always have to be grateful about my situation”. Because sometimes shit is really just fucked up. I know that sounds harsh but it really is but that is no reason to not fight like hell to NOT conform and really overcome your weaknesses.

I have learned that I only get better while really focusing on my weaknesses, facing all my fears, and really pushing myself to the next level. I want to be better! I have it in me! And I say that completely in confidence, especially after years of believing I was a product of my environment. I’m grateful to be able to breathe my way into progression and to know that everything is working out for me.
Currently, I feel grateful to be able to understand myself and my circumstances. Never to play victim, but mentally I couldn’t handle myself and the games my mind played. Often, I had these heavy periods of depression that held me bound to a routine of work, no showers and no food for days, and sometimes weeks. I hated myself at that point because it had become beyond hard to get myself out of those times. I’m grateful to be able to break those sessions and feels of darkness to overcome them with healthy, brilliant, beautiful light.
Even though, this morning, I felt like I was going backwards, I saw those same dark clouds but literally not allowing myself to be consumed has given me so much pleasure to live, breathe, and love.
I ask God often to help me. I mean in everything. Help me be better overall, help me think through the woes of life and really consider a healthy reaction. I remember when my emotions towards “that thing” was more important then why I felt a way towards it. All of this is a process, I’m grateful to have patience with myself to see me through heavy times.

have patience with yourself. Breathe. That feeling you are having is only there because you keep thinking about it. Now, go create.