self help

The one time I tried therapy the lady basically told me there is nothing wrong with me. She said I had a slight form of “growth” anxiety and everybody has it. I’m not sure of her thoughts nor do I question her analytical approach, I just felt this was odd information within the third session. Now, of course, my expectations of therapy were different. I expected to be in someone’s office laying across the couch being asked about my childhood. Instead, it was deep in the middle of a pandemic. I was at home, pouring my heart out to a complete stranger on a camera. Saying that out loud sounds really crazy.

Anywho, long story short, it wasn’t long before I realized I could really do this “personal growth” thing myself. I don’t mean solely, just the majority of the time. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying I will never need therapy. For me, it was just the wrong person and the wrong moment. After I decided I was completely taking control over myself mentally, I started my journey to complete life transformation. I wanted all the bullshit out of my life and wanted to see what it felt like if I really said fuck everything and truly try at life.

Before I made such a mature decision, I spent days down and out. I remember continously asking myself what was wrong? Turns out it was nothing and I just really hated my life. That’s when I knew I needed a change. It wasn’t more so about the hate towards my life, I hated that I would have to put in the work and take responsibilty for myself. I believe that’s why people don’t grow; the ability to take care of yourself, believe in your actions, and understand your own mind is such a daunting process and never heard of, especially where I come from. As quiet as it’s kept, I never knew anyone who made it out the hood, even to live the middle class good life. I knew I wanted more, whether I get it now or not is to be continued…

Thank you for reading, I love you.