Mind Dump

I was sitting around some acquaintances not too long ago when we started playing a game. The game could’ve turned very sour if played with the wrong people. One of the people asked for everyone to go around the room and give one word of their first impressions of the next person. You can imagine, eyebrows most definitely started to rise. Mainly because some of us had only met the others for the first time that night, then I started thinking people were going to get funny because we were enjoying alcoholic beverages and you know what they say about “drunken minds speaking sober thoughts”. I was thrown off, but my ideas quickly changed because I had nothing but good affirmations and love to give to everyone in the room. Plus, I understand that I don’t even attract that kind of person in my life. We started playing the game and it was all love and bubbles. Some of the words I received were educated, queen, and confidence. A few months later, I’m just digesting what was said.

I was having a conversation this morning about what I want out of this life. I always find myself being so passionate because I KNOW! I have such a different outlook and have experienced a lot of things so far that have gotten me to feel the way that I feel at this moment. This made me think about the game I was playing that night and what was said. We can never see ourselves through other people’s eyes. That night was an insight into how I am viewed against my peers. I never would’ve picked those words for myself and to be honest, I’m not completely sure I fully connect with them. I know they are adjectives and not ultimately who I am but I enjoy that that’s the start of my foundation and the very thin line between who I am and who I am becoming.

I hate that people around me make me feel like what I want is so outlandish. As if life isn’t supposed to feel good or if I am not supposed to expect great things and great feelings. It’s a nasty conversation, discussing every good has to come with some bad. I hate that we feel like we should always be in expectation of things going wrong.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not irrational or a complete imbecile. I absolutely understand that things aren’t always going to go as planned but am I completely wrong for declaring that all things in my life are and will be good? Am I irrational for knowing that my drive for education, open-mindedness, routine, and growth will lead me to success? or what I determine my idea of success is. I just believe every time I speak on something that I want or things I desire, they will always come in a great way. Is that naive?

I never want to be or come off as if I am clueless about what’s going on in the world and the truth around me. Though, I absolutely believe that life is so much more than trying to figure out the bad. Why is being in expectation of good things frowned upon? People listen to what you say and be quick to tear down your experiences and desires but always feels the need to tell you about their experiences. As if theirs are more impactful than what you have experienced yourself.

Why am I being sure about what I want and who I am, a threat to someone else’s reality? I may be being extremely dramatic but why is it so hard to let people live in their delusion? Isn’t that where we manifest from anyway? We use our imagination to form delusions in our minds to get what we want. I don’t harm anyone having the thoughts, ideas, and desires that I have. I don’t harm anyone believing my shit is coming freely, easy, and within the flow of how I’m operating.

To my readers, your individuality should never be dimmed by the voices of others. The drive is never to get approval from the people around you but should always be to serve the ones that need you.

I truly love you. Thanks for reading.