The Process

I was sitting in desk at work just yesterday thinking and I had this thought that wasn’t pleasant. I spend so much of my night and morning preparing for the day ahead of me that I make sure I have no time for negativity. I don’t want anything or anyone to disrupt the bliss I have taken the time to get into. If you are one to know, the strength it takes to remove yourself from places, people, and things that no longer feeds you and to make a choice to feel in love and happy daily then you know the praying, mediating, and the necessary work that’s put in, in order to build that level of focus . And if you don’t know, now you know, it takes a lot!

It’s such a draining yet rewarding process to understand what you need to get to the place of what best suits you. So when this unpleasant thought of doubt and guessing crept up in my matrix , it was quickly unruled and I didn’t allow that to settle around me. I’ve been teaching myself to quickly let go of any thoughts that doesn’t feel well to me. I don’t even remember specifically what the thought was about. That’s how disciplined I have become, I’m eagered to love myself so much that I won’t allow myself to crumble to the pain of my own thoughts any longer! I refuse!!

I will continue to unlease everything that I feel like I was tied and bound to. It’s not worth the pain and problems it creates. You must know you get to happy from happy, so you must get to pain from pain. That’s just the way it goes. The things you feed yourself really does grow in the most wildest ways. I felt that kind of pain too much for a 29 year old woman. I have been more eager to experience what it means to be in or on the high life and I will let y’all judgmental selves run with whatever ideas you choose to. Just know I am happy.

I know that probably sounds aggressive but some times, you have to allow yourself to state facts and let that be that. Why keep chasing after things that doesn’t ultimately feel like what you want. I have grown disgusted with thinking other wise then that but most importantly allowing other people to plant negativity and doubt within me, I’m getting everything I want. And I mean DISGUSTED!! Keep that shit away from me. In times of unpleasantry and doubt, we have to remain present in the process. Focusing our minds on the art of allowing and allowing anything and everything to happen. This process is what I have grown to fall in love with, I don’t want it to be perfect but I know it’s worth it. It’s worth everything, the good, the bad, the uncomfortable, the fight. It’s worth the freedom and peace of mind of simply not giving a fuck. You will get to that point it really does take time to enjoy the process.

I love you. Thanks for reading.

I Really Do Love Monday’s

Monday’s are just different. I love a challenge and Monday’s symbolize a new day of my effort to “kill shit”. Excuse my language but I’m stepping this up a notch, making sure that I accomplish something this week that I didn’t do last. See I be so hard on myself and in reality if I just write one more post than last week and exercise one more time, I’m literally much better then I was the week before. We must be okay with that. I call these things “mini milestones”. You literally can not become better without taking one step at a time. It’s simple science, this week, take 5 more minutes to write an idea down and complete a task. These moments add up, I think that it’s important that we identify with EVERY THING we do should add to the betterment of out lives and if not, what are we doing? and how is our existences contributing to each moment we breathe. Is that too deep?

I mean, yes! don’t take life too seriously BUT, YES! take it seriously. And any mature adult should feel the same way (this is only my opinion). I can’t be left out on this ledge by myself because, we should be screaming YOLO. Though, I’m surely going to judge everyone behind me screaming it to because who really has standards and moral ground? (Yes, I am being sarcastic). Then I can turn around and say get your shit together because your an adult. When in completely fucking reality, THAT’S what Monday’s are for. To rid you from all the trash shit you did on the weekend.

What I guess I am saying is that, we misuse Monday’s. We hold this negative condemnation against it and I don’t understand. We could really be using Monday’s to understand what it means to start over. I mean really start over not in a shallow way, but very seriously each week at 100%.

The goal is to start the week off at your highest form of yourself, and this should be every week. So no matter what goes on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Sunday. On Monday , you start as the highest form of yourself all over again. Giving a serious “fuck you” to your Sunday self and Monday really becoming a newer, better, prettier, and smarter form of self. Honestly, just giving yourself space and grace to fuck up but, also really putting your own foot down. Isn’t the ultimate goal to be disciplined?

A wise man once said or what I understood him to say was “prolonging your desire to become discipline only creates the energy of procrastination”. Stop procrastinating! It’s a ill action that leaves you further away from your goals, becoming self disciplined, and becoming your better self. What’s more important then that? What’s more important then becoming your best self?

When you are your best you, everything around you becomes better. I believe this is the only motivation we need. If we are not our best selves the lives we desire to live becomes chaos and it will remain that way until we make the mature decision to bring ourselves out of it.

Always decide to enjoy and appreciate Monday’s.
I love you. Thanks for reading.

It’s Weird but it’s Abundance

I believe abundance is one of those words that can mean something different to everyone. It's a word that means multiple things but I believe it has emotions behind it. I believe when people speak of abundance what they mean is something that is tangible but I want to hype up the intangible behind it. To me abundance, feels like freedom. I'm not even sure what that means but it felt good coming out. I would think, it’s not about the quantity of things but more about the fullness of what we have and what’s coming.

I know what you are probably saying, “that’s a deep statement”. This is true but here’s why. When people see you and what you have, they will never say she has an abundance of things. They would only say she flashy, she got a lot of things, she do a lot of this and that. Only focusing on what can tangibly be seen. Abundance is so much more then that. It's literally about feeling full in the things we have. It's about accumulating abundance and not obtaining it.

It's never about getting something or a specific number of things but it's about enjoying the process in which we come into all of our things. Why would we stop at a specific number of peace, houses, wisdom, dollars, etc. When, if allowed to, we would only want to accumulate more. Living in abundance is about living in a blissful quality of life overall. Taking ourselves out of the equation and living in a general peace. Here, nothing is ever perfect. But it is abundant, it's nice, and literally all good. Abundance is freedom.

Not the kind of freedom you are given but the kind that you gain in undeniable belief in something. It's the kind of freedom you experience but can never put into words. For me, it's being wowed by the simplest things and in disbelief about the major ones. It's about knowing what you have before you even have it.

Having that kind of abundance is about having gratitude towards everything. Nothing is off limits, it's about being grateful through the good and the bad.
I love you so much. Thank you for reading.

Introduction: Passion

Big Bee’s World

Welcome to my world.

I absolutely love words. I enjoy exploring them and figuring out it's meaning. For me, taking my thoughts and putting them on paper is like a therapy session. I remember being able to tell stories just by using my imagination. Imagine writing words that creates a visual picture. Where you are able to see, smell, and experience what's happening without even being there. What a beautiful way to experience words! One of my favorite things to do is create illustrations.

I liked getting readers aroused when I get to tell them stories about the vein like wrinkles on hard surfaces that emphasizes the ride to pleasure, but I was just describing a walk in the park or enjoying my favorite piece of chocolate. I enjoy what it means to capture an audience with your words and making them read to the end. I believe a writers dream is to keep readers binge reading like we do with our favorite shows. I write because I know if somehow my mind allows me to heed to this creative world and allow me to get vulnerable before you, I could create a world that would change lives through other people stories. I write because everything doesn't deserve to be on video. Sometimes, we deserve to hold and smell paper in our fingers because does everything really need to be digital?

I write to change lives. I write to be seen. I write to scream. I write to acknowledge and to give honor. I write because my life and existence depends on it. I write to teach and to learn. I write to remember and absorb moments. I write to create pictures and create worlds.

I write to get lost, to disappear. I write to tell myself everything I wouldn't dare to say out loud. I write for forgiveness and to suppress guilt. I write to create opportunities for others.

I write to wander and to feel like I'm not lost. I want to speak things into existence with my words. I write because when I have children, I want to leave them to literally always hold onto my words.

I write to feel like myself. So that when you make it to the end of the page you know something about me and what I offer this world. I write to serve. I write for all of my quality time lovers ,who want to take the time to get lost with me in whatever I maybe talking about. I write because, got dammit, I want a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUCEMENT every time I have something to say because so many times I had the opportunity to say something, and I didn't or believe like I couldn’t . I owe the world that much.

I write so Damson Idris can see me...hey boo lol!!

I write to communicate effectively and manifest. I write to apologize and also forgive. I really write because I really can tell you better then I can show you and that really should count for something.

I don't know where this journey will take me but I am excited to see where I end up. I am changing my mind and how I have been perceiving things for YEARS!!

I am literally in my stages of unlearning. I literally have to unlearn years of attacks on my mind.

I am excited to do this though because even when I am too frustrated to speak I can always use my words.

Today, I introduce my blog Big Bee’s World. Here I am no longer suppressing anything about myself. This is MY safe space that I am freely inviting you into. Which means, this is great vibes!!

30 minutes is up, thank you for being on this journey with me. Until next time!
I love you. Thank you for reading.